June 11, 2022

Had the worst low bp experience of my life. It's not like I'm not eating well. I've realized I'm having low bp for a while. Symptoms are there all along. I feel tired,stressed, uninterested. Being fatigue in general. Then my personal life having no effective change. Finally I've understood and came to conclusion that I was my worst enemy. I blamed others while I was the one enabling myslef to be stepped on and made fun of. And being lonely and single? What girl would wanna date a man with low self esteem? I mean I myslwf would avoid such individual. Anyway I've made a promise to myself and I'm keeping it at all costs. Right now I'm at this really corporate, soulless and whatever gloomy word i can think of event histed buy our uni. Well, it's my club to be precise. I'm kinda enjoying the vibe here. I got a position whereI'm comfortable.

May 28, 2022

Life's good. Seen a lot. Learning continues. Child inside me fading away for good. Getting a long awaited needed patch. Bugs fixed.

May 2, 2022

Hello World! Eid Mubarak! Hope everyone enjoy this blessed day with loved ones. For the first time since 2015, I'm actually enjoying life. Alhamdulillah. My boy Rabit made this cool Eid artwork.

February 28,2022

Everything is going good. I've lost weight, not much but have to start somewhere. In a class now. Mam just entered. Still feel lonely at campus. I guess I've to care for myself. All my life I've focused on others opinion. I need peace. And I'm not far from achieving. I do wish I had a friend who would stick to me 24/7. But hey, I can make use of such negative situation for my good. I miss you brother. Still waiting for that special someone. She's out there.

February 11, 2022

Miision Passed!

RESPECT+

February 2, 2022 (2.2.22)

Everything has been going good for me. Hopefull.

January 2, 2022

Have to say 2021 was not a bad year. Honestly, it felt like a long tutorial level. Everyday I learned something new. Happy 2022!

December 22,2021

Had this strange encounter with this dude last night, he appears to be my department senior. I did notice him staring at me for a while and then while I was walking up the stairs, he stopped me and asked me what semester I was in. I was scared ngl. So, I answered his question...nervously, he then walked away saying "Why haven't I seen you around before?" And then comes my overthinking. Like I was asking my bros on who he was and whatnot. Though I've understood something, I think way too much. I am like this magnet that attracts stress and anxiety. I've been my own antagonist all along...

December 17, 2021

Hvaen't written anything for a while. Things have been going very fast. Finally moved to dorm in October 13, Wednesday. We don't have many students from our department. First few days were really good ngl. But as time went on, I was introduced to this BS dorm politics and depression kicked back. Luckily I got my boys here. Comforting, advising me whenever I need. Met some talented and good people here. People like them gives me hope. Also, I have embraced my akwardness, just dont wanna be cringy. About my love life...if anyone can even call that, I've finally proposed her. Knowing very well it won't work out. But at least it's out of my chest now. I am free. She is so sweet though. She is gonna be a good wife and a mother. Tomorrow's my semester final and my preparation is...mediocre. Not satisfied. Just hoping to get decent score and I'm finally done with procastination for good. It'll be "Now or never" . I'm gonna start hosting shows and stand up comedy. Gotta use my skill somehow ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). That's it for now.

September 27, 2021

I am finally learning to move on. All my life I wanted this person I could spend my rest of my life with. You know, marry, have kids, start a family etc. For some this is easy. For me? nah. I from now on will never look for women. Every girl I like ends up with someone else. I quit. I still love her though. But I have done my part. She gave the best advice in my life. Do not be influenced by others. I am gonna follow that. Kinda ironic that now her recent decesion made her influence my mental health. Now I am moving on and hopefully one day she will understand who I really am and my I mean our destiny will be together.

September 25, 2021

I am tired of being this failure or dissapointment circle. It's like every BS that ever happend to me repeats itself. I am fucking sick of this. I love you. I never knew I was capable of quittinig a vulgar addiction before I saw you. You made me grow up. I am not giving you up. I never simped for you. Never will. But I love you. Always will. I don't mind you not having same feelings for me. But again I love you.

August 16, 2021

So, yesterday evening I got roasted or kinda caled out by my friends. I guess I needed to hear those words. In a nutshell what happend was, they told me socialize more and move on from all the bad stuffs from past. Funny thing is, I've already moved on. But I just stood there and listened to them. End of the day, I beleive they're my friends and they want the best for me. I also reconnected with Shahariar. Dude needs serious help. Honestly I have grown up a lot during this lockdown. It was a blessing in disguise for me I guess. Stay safe everyone. August has been a shitty month for me so far. Also I need to take a vacation.

July 25, 2021

I'm finally at peace. I've cut ties with every toxic people in my life. You know you've failed as a human being when you're the reason behind someone's depression.

May 17, 2021

I'm a sheep in this place. I'm done. I feel like, except Durlov (M TO F, Now known as Millie) and Leon, everyone took advantage of me. I will cut contact with Shahariar and other "friends" once I leave Ghatail. Met an old friend today. He talked me about our time in 8th grade, 2013. Back then, I was a fat, dumb and insecure little man. I did not score well in maths. I loved playing video games. But people did not seem to care about this back then for some reason. Our math teacher always made fun of my weight, math skills, and everything. Naturally my classmates joined him. No girls would talk to me. They always thought I was too dumb to even exist. I only had 2 friends. Millie and Leon. Leon left for USA in 2015. Millie left for Canada in December 2018. I'm alone. My other friend Shahariar is a selfish person. He doesn't care about anyone. My Eid was going well until he took full advantage of me. He skipped our eid tour so he can search for his ex. Yesterday he went to another tour with my classmates and he didn't even call me. I mean how can people be this self centered? Also, then my old friend told me how I should change. Brother, if my actions didn't harm anyone mentally or physically, I really I don't have anything to change. Fortunately, I met some of the best people living on earth. My university friends! My buddies Alif and Oishee. Some really talented individuals. Oishee is a talented artist and singer. Alif does sketch. Really, these two kept me going through 2020. Love you guys!. Then I've fallen in love with this girl....I really love her. I always think of her.

May 13, 2021

Eid Mubarak!Ramadan is over, I'm gonna start learning CSS soon. I'm too lazy btw but this website needs to be more... i don't know... 90s I guess. :p

March 25, 2021

Had the best day in 2021!

March 25, 2021

Gonna see my university Buddies for the first time in real life. I've only met them online. Kinda nervous and excited at the same time

February,26,2021

Went to the zoo after 9 years. Last time I visited there was in December 2012. That was pleasant visit but this one...candan't say the same. Extremely hot weather and there were so many people that it didn't seem like corona is a thing.

February 7, 2021

I need help. Everyone around me is so weird....

December 31, 2020

What a year....hope 2021 will end my sufferings. Happy New Year!

November 2, 2020

Started playing guitar.

October5, 2020

Joined gym.

August 28, 2020

Semester final is over, last exam was really hard. Just want to pass this one.

August 11, 2020

Took a break. Semester final is only 9 days away. Have to study. Then I'll work on my site :)

June 25, 2020

A good friend of mine suggested me to post my stories on this site. Good idea!!

june 13 2020

My phone's touch isn't working and it's charging port either.No fixing shops are available right now. Hopeless.

June 2 2020

Was having a dull day. Then I got a call from my friend. He's gonna fly kite! I haven't flown one since April 2012. 8 years!. I called another buddy and he was excited to go with me. We went to the place at 4:30 and it was really crowded ... like pre 2020. Everyone was flying kites and playing. It was in the airfield of our local army base. I was really excited until the sky became full of black clouds. Yup, we didn't get the chance to fly the kite. I don't like rain.

May 30 2020

Had first official online class today. Honestly I enjoyed it. Maybe because I'm an introvert? I miss my friends from university.

Shaved my head for the first time in 17 years! I remember the last time I shaved was back in december 2003...time flies. Anyone who was born back then is now a high schooler! I'm old!

May 29 2020

I love this concept, an online diary written in HTML... :p.

Anyway, my paranoia is back... I tried my best to blend in with these crowd. I can't explain how much I want to get out of this town...people here is making my life a living hell. FUCK YOU ALL. YOU GUYS ARE THE REASON WHY BENGALIS ARE LOOKED DOWN BY EVERYONE. My Eid was great though, started the day with my parents quarrelling. Went to masjid this year due the covid apocalypse. It seemed like everyone there was trying to prove how badass they were. No masks, no care and simply they have superior gene. This virus can't infect them. Anyway, finished my prayer, bought some soda, came back home, watched the office, fell asleep. Then got a call from my boy wanting to go on a bike trip. I was nervous at first...but then I thought...why not? Let's go!. Me and the boys then went on a long bike trip. Went to the Zamuna river, hired a boat and went on a boat trip. This was my first boat journey.I enjoyed it a lot. Hated the weather though. I hate clouds.